This one's for Junior: Tough Tiger Togatuki doing family proud

Resilience is a trait Sarah Togatuki values highly.

She needed plenty of it during a tough Housing Commission upbringing, and even more following the death of her older brother Junior in a prison cell in 2015.

So when Jillaroos coach Brad Donald told her she hadn’t displayed enough fighting qualities during last year's NRLW season to warrant a World Cup call-up, Togatuki faced some life-changing calls.

She could have switched allegiances to represent the New Zealand Kiwi Ferns at the World Cup, effectively ending any thought of future State of Origin appearances.

She could’ve also stayed at the Roosters, where she was contracted for another season, and played in a star-studded line-up tipped to lift the trophy in October.

Taking the easy way out wasn't an option though. Never has been.

"They blame themselves"

Togatuki was the first child born in Australia to parents Vaea and Atagai, with older siblings Junior, Sharon and Jean all born in New Zealand. 

The family moved from Auckland to Sydney’s west, just around the corner from Panthers star Brian To’o, and grew up in Housing Commission while attending both public and Catholic schools.

“There’s no shame in growing up in Housing Commission, we have pride in that stuff because it builds our character to what it is,” Togatuki tells NRL.com.

“My parents are quiet achievers. They hardly have time to rest. From Monday to Saturday, Dad is working 4am to 9pm and he preaches on a Sunday.

“They’ve got big roles at church. That plays a part in my character and why I always want to give back.”

The Togatuki family’s life was turned upside down when Junior, the third oldest of five siblings, was incarcerated as a teenager for armed robbery and assault in 2008.

Over the course of the next seven years, Junior’s mental health deteriorated and in 2015 – a month after his release date and while waiting for deportation to New Zealand from a prison cell – he took his own life.

“My sister got a call then called me and I broke down, she just said 'he’s gone',” Togatuki said.

“He was a troubled kid and ended up in prison. It started from high school and he got into the wrong crowd. I was young but I looked up to him.

“I grew up a tomboy because of Junior. He got me into playing footy. My parents keep to themselves about it.

"They’ll have their moment at the cemetery, and I always feel heartbroken for them because they blame themselves. But once you’re around certain people you become influenced and there was no stopping him.

“He’d definitely be proud of me, he’d be my biggest fan. I feel like he’s an angel protecting me and not a game has gone by where I don’t write his name on my wrist.

“I’ll never stop writing it until I’m done with footy.”

An inquest into Junior’s death in July 2018 – six weeks before Togatuki made her NRLW debut - gave the family some answers and closure of the final hours of his life at Goulburn Correctional Centre.

As Togatuki’s rugby league career continued to blossom, her parents flew to Samoa prior to the COVID-19 pandemic with the aim to adopt two young children for the ageing household as a way to help heal following the loss of Junior.

They returned to Australia with four young children - Mark, Isaac, Sabrina and a person with a name that had a whole lot of meaning... Junior. 

“Three boys and one girl, three years later,” Togatuki grinned.

“They originally wanted two kids from Mum’s side but ended up coming back with two more after Dad stumbled across them while over there. 

“We were all moving out at the time and that’s what Mum and Dad do, they want to help others.

“These kids had no schooling and struggled with English, so we learned to teach them when they first came here. I lived with them for around three years before I moved out.”

On the field and Togatuki was named player of the match in the 2021 NRLW grand final in April last year – earning the Karyn Murphy Medal in Redcliffe after a whirlwind week where she had to escape a Judiciary charge for a high tackle.

Togatuki broke down when she was cleared to play before thanking the panel and turning to faith in an emotional setting at Rugby League Central.

The week that almost ended in agony ended up becoming one of the greatest in her life.

She was part of a NSW side that reclaimed the Origin shield a few weeks later and was on Donald’s radar to represent Australia at the end-of-year World Cup.

“I was too comfortable after that first season and I knew I was,” Togatuki says.

“We’d won the comp and I felt I’d done what I needed to do. I was at the highest of the highs and then a couple of injuries had started creeping in and that was because of a few personal things off the field.

“I wasn’t in a really good head space after the Origin game. It was a domino effect with one little injury after another. I went into the 2022 season with a hip problem.

“I had to get carried off a few times but it was the mental aspect, I was so weak mentally.

“I thought I was well on track for that (Jillaroos selection) but it went downhill so fast and I didn’t see it coming.”

Togatuki doesn’t shy away from the fact that she thought she was a sure thing to be in Donald’s squad.

“I feel a bit ashamed and embarrassed now to say that,” she continued.

“I was waiting for a call and had high expectations. We lost that semi-final to Parramatta and I was starting to get nervous waiting for the World Cup selection.

“I reached out to Brad after I saw the squad and wanted feedback.

“He said one of the values they have at the Jillaroos is resilience and I wasn't resilient enough in that 2022 season, being carried off the field a bit.

“Looking back I wish I was tougher in those moments but at the time I was pretty weak mentally.

“An Australian jersey is the last thing I’m thinking about when I’m down and out on the field.”

A few days after Togatuki’s omission, a call from Kiwi Ferns coach Ricky Henry offered an opportunity to switch allegiances to New Zealand.

In doing so Togatuki not only would’ve forfeited the chance to play Origin again for NSW but also cut ties with the Jillaroos program.

“I was approached by New Zealand so many times last year, they were giving me the assurance that I’d be given a Kiwi Ferns jersey if I came across,” she said.

“But I’m so committed to playing for the Jillaroos. I’m Aussie-born, my parents were born in Samoa and then migrated to New Zealand and then Australia.

“The only reason I might’ve considered playing for them was for my brother, who was born in New Zealand, but I don’t feel like I’ve got that connection.

As itching as everyone would’ve wanted to be part of the World Cup, I’m glad I didn’t take the easy way out.

- Sarah Togatuki The Wests Tigers forward on choosing the Jillaroos over Kiwi Ferns

“I want to take the long road and work it out. Brad was just being honest and looking back he was 100 percent right. I’m grateful he was honest with me. 

"I’ve taken a lot of the feedback on board and that offered some light at the end of the tunnel.

"I’ve learned to stay present and I’m doing that for the first time this year and I’m loving that.”

Togatuki knew part of her fresh approach would include a departure from the Roosters, the club she had been at since 2018 after injury affected a brief stint at the Dragons a year later, where she did not feature. 

The Tricolours granted her a release and gave her their blessing and she linked up with Wests Tigers on a three-year deal in April after attracting interest from several clubs.

More importantly, the security of a long-term contract has allowed her to put a deposit on the Togatuki family’s first-ever home - an achievement she hopes Junior would be proud of.

“I’ve always had the dream of wanting to buy my parents a house,” Togatuki said.

“It sparked from when Brian To’o bought his parents a house last year and Critta (Stephen Crichton) did too.

“I told Dave (player manager David Rawlings) that if I could get a long deal could I use it along with my other job to prove that I had some stability.

“We used the same company that helped Brian and only living around the corner from him that’s pretty cool.

“I messaged my dad and told him to finish work early. I picked up the keys and to let them know this was now their home, they just burst out in tears.

“We didn’t even get photos. We all just went inside and soaked up the moment.”

Wests Tigers will take on the Raiders in Canberra on Sunday with Togatuki’s new side looking to remain unbeaten in a remarkable start to their NRLW history. 

Togatuki has been a pillar of strength for the joint venture as she aims to get back in the frame for a maiden Jillaroos jersey in the future. 

The environment coach Brett Kimmorley and co-captains Kezie Apps and Botille Vette-Welsh have created enables Togatuki to be herself - from expressing her deep connection with faith to leading the engine room. 

"I’m so grateful our girls have got so much respect for each other," Togatuki said.

"I know not a lot of them have been raised in religious households but for them to respect our beliefs, I asked Kez if we could do a prayer after the Eels game and she said yes, absolutely, and got everyone together in a circle.

"That helps when you're in a new team. I know there’s a lot of outside noise with how our men’s side is travelling. They’ve wanted a better season but we just want to put a bit of love back in the jersey and for our fans.

"We were also getting called wooden spooners already off the back of our trial game but we know what we're capable of and Noddy really gets us out of our comfort zone… it’s the most challenged I’ve felt in any season."